Living with anxiety is a very lonely place. I’ve lived my entire life with it, alone, in my head, with no one who really knew what I felt. But I didn’t even get it. So how was anyone else supposed to get it? And I tried my best to deal with it. I really did. I don’t think people knew that.
I tried to pretend it wasn’t there. I tried to avoid my triggers. I tried to stuff it down with food. I tried desperately to control it. But it just wouldn’t go away.
And anxiety ran my life. I couldn’t control it. Ever. It just simmered in the background waiting for that moment when something or someone would trigger me. And there it was. Again. And sometimes it didn’t even need a trigger to show up. It just did.
And nobody understood. People couldn’t understand something that was so real to me. I mean it was real. It is real. I felt it in my body. There’s no denying the headaches, the stomach aches, the beating heart or the chest pains. They’re real!
And the fear that came up with it? But it was more than fear. I knew what I felt, and I knew it was real, but I struggled with trying to explain or describe it to anyone. And when I did, they couldn’t understand. Or just wouldn’t. I don’t know. I just know that I was left alone, again, with no support from anyone.
And I just felt so hopeless and crazy in my head.
So how do you explain anxiety to someone who doesn’t get it or doesn’t believe you? You don’t. And that’s the most simple answer I have for you. You can continue to try and make people understand, or convince them that you are not making this up, but you will not succeed. They can’t or won’t understand what you are feeling.
Only you know what you are feeling. Only you know your truth. You are not crazy. You have anxiety. And you’re not making it up!
And when I finally came to accept my truth, I started to worry less about what others thought and stopped feeling like I had to make them understand me.
I decided that I had to be the one to figure out why I had anxiety. I knew I had it, I knew my truth, and I wanted to know why. There had to be a reason. And that was just enough for me to start looking in a new direction for answers because no one around me had one for me.
So I stopped looking to others for my answers. And I turned to me. I knew my truth. I knew my anxiety was real. So I had to have the answers. And that’s the direction I headed in to find them. And my hope is that you will want to turn in that same direction, and jump on the same train that I did. Are you up for the ride?
